Why I suddenly hate my iPad

I don't actually hate it, I have been quite fond of it for a couple of years now, and suddenly find it displeasing. It's been a nagging feeling for some months now and when I found that a friend of mine had the exact same experience, I decided to vent my feelings.

This reeks of sinister planning on Apple's behalf, in some executive meeting my iPad was nerfed. And ever since the last iOS update my beloved iPad mini has felt sluggish.

Apple has a history of not considering their old products, when updating or upgrading their next iteration. Sometimes they redefine and bring great innovation to the category, but not every single time. Sorry, but this blog is not a church and there is no comment field for laments.

When convincing myself of my need to buy an iPad mini, my first thought was to read books on it. I considered Kindle and lusted after a Nook, but residing far outside of the green digital pastures of the USA, their offerings simply weren't available in any easy or fast way.

An iPad could be used to way more than displaying books though. This helped me stomach the higher asking price, I even forked out for the top model of 64 GB. Planning to keep it for some time, I started using it regularly.

I'm a nurse, at the time of purchase a night nurse. When the patients are sound a sleep I need to stay awake, and reading books is quite the tranquil way of achieving this. It keeps the mind busy and does not disturb even the lightest sleeper. And for those couple of hours before 0600 in the morning, stupid games are the way to go... I'll even recommend the iPad glass and aluminium’s resistance to hand cleaning spirits.

What changed?

The only thing that annoyed me the first six months was that magazines did not scale gracefully to the iPad mini's smaller screen. Text was simply tiny and not for tired night owl eyes. This was easily remedied by stopping all subscriptions and not reading any magazines on iPad mini. Sometimes the simplest solution is the best.

Then followed a long period of me enjoying my mini. I bought books from Apple in iBooks, Amazon in Kindle + Audible (anywhere, but from within their iPad app's naturally) and even on standalone apps. I have text books, fiction and documents. They exist in ePub, PDF and sound files. Never did I worry of running out of space.

With four screen estates of app icons in use, I got quite friendly with the App Store's update screen. Downloading and installing updates for three apps at the same time was and is standard, but now it's nowhere near as snappy... I swear there's a pause from when the ring has closed itself and the next app gets the Ring of Busyness (not to be confused with business).

I am tech savvy enough to accept new bloated apps to use longer to start and function, they are written for faster hardware. However I cannot fathom why my unchanged screens of app icons feel more sluggish when i swipe between them, has the folders gotten fantastic amazing new animations?

It's not as if there’s a spinning disk nested inside the aluminium either. The solid state media has plenty of space left, gigabytes of it. Freeing space was my first instinct as a remedy. The old cure-all, trusted since 1994 when I got my clammy teenage hands on my first computer.

Trust in the conspiracy

Sadly the probable truth is that neither the Illuminati nor the Board of Directors is to blame. Even though it might be planned obsolescence, like Sony is enjoying the effect of? The evil within is bloatware. Apple bloatware. Or more precisely bloated processes, if it's not Apple processes it's their management of resources to other apps. Background monitoring and mining of data from my life.

Well two things consequently happen. I use the iPad less, leaving less useful data to, lets simply call them "advertisers". Secondly I become a stubborn old bastard refusing to upgrade and trust Apple again. My purchase happened in the summer of 2013. In this year Anno Domini 2015 is not the year such an expensive product has reached its end of life.

I still make use of my old iPhone 4 too. It is living out its days on my bedside counter, as a combined alarm clock and repository of old music. I expect it to clock out at any given moment, but it gives me a much more satisfying experience still. Probably as sluggish as the iPad, but I view it as a senior tech device – allowed to enjoy a last leg of existence in a dock that will never see new devices. May it Rust In Pieces.